The much vaunted Swans satellite has come under fire today after Swans Super Tipster, Chris Batchelor was out of Hanoi on assignment – and wasn’t able to lodge his tips and special comments prior to the Geelong – Collingwood Preliminary Grand Final. “A hunka space junka”, critics are claiming.

At 8.35am local time, Batchelor sent an sms through to the Swans Blog saying “in Lang Son til Friday. Hopefully back for footy. No internet so could you put Geelong and Port as the good oil in the blog. Thxs (sic). GO PIES!”

Alas, the Blog could not find the server. Priceless tips gone begging.

At 1.06pm local time, Batchelor found access to the email. But the rest of us were still trying to find the server. Barely, 9 hours later, we can now report:

STOP PRESS – From somewhere up North

Fellow Tipsters,

Thankfully this week’s footy tips are what the experts call “no brainers”.

I say thankfully as I’m up north in Lang Son with a bunch of no hoper Europeans who have never heard the word, “Sherrin” nor grasped the idea of anything else but a round ball. So to be brief, I’ll be backing Geelong to roll the Maggies by a massive 50 points. Attendance at the bounce 85,207; by 3/4 time 1,700 (that idiot Joffa and the rest of the Pie fans will have left in disgust by then).

First Goal, Gary Ablett. BOG, Gary Ablett

For Saturday’s game, put your ex wife’s house on Port scraping home in a close game against the dour Roos. Attendance: 61,987. First Goal, Warren Tredrea. BOG, Chad Cornes.

Happy Punting.

Next week the Big One.

Cheers, Chris

Swans Engineers are currently checking the technology to ensure there is no repeat of today’s fiasco on Grand Final Day.

In further evidence of the rise and rise of footy in Vietnam, the people have taken to the streets chanting “Bring Back Batchelor”.

Across the country, from Hanoi to Saigon, people are still waiting for the Swans Tipping Supremo, Chris Batchelor to tell us his tips for this weekend’s Preliminary Finals. Rest assured, as soon as the Big Fella breaks his silence, we shall post him immediately. And we shall follow. Blessed are the cheesemakers.

For all the Preliminary Finals action and telecast times in Vietnam:

Tonight @ 5pm: Geelong Vs Collingwood

Saturday afternoon @ 1.30pm: Port Adelaide Vs Kangaroos

Viewing locations: Hanoi’s Home of football, JASPAS, Level 4, Hanoi Towers and JJ’s Sports Bar at the Hilton.

Showing in Saigon at Cafe Latin and Blue Gecko.

Next Week: Grand Final telecast commences at 10.30am.